Man of the South

The Courtroom is filled to the brim, every space is occupied, despite the functioning air conditioning unit, Court 5, High Court of Lagos State Igbosere, is still so hot, or maybe it is just me but damn right I am boiling inside. I can see them, yes Festus and his wife seated amongst the crowd of people. Inspite of the crowd, I can see their interlocked hands.

Yes hold on to each other because when I get out of this, I am coming right after you both.

I would have sneered at them but my lawyer has asked me to pretend like I am unconscious of my environment because he is claiming I am disillusioned. So I have to pretend like I have lost my mind. Well to some extent it is a good pretence, so that when I come for their hearts the world would forgive me because I am not in my right mind after all.

I stare blankly at the walls and from the corner of my eyes I see Chisom, Festus’ wife enter the witness box. I want to hiss but that will give me away and Barrister Ejike will not be too pleased. He is a good Lawyer and would do anything to win his case. Am I glad hired him? Absolutely!

“… is Uju…”

I turn sharply as I hear my name drop from Chisom’s mouth. I am so angry that I want to fly at her and strangle her. I see her lower her eyes like she is afraid of me.

“She tried to run my husband and I down in front of our house on the 24th of March this year.” I heard her say almost in a whisper.

That’s right, be afraid, tremble and scuttle right to the protection of your husband. I wonder why I had previously thought you were the strong woman.

Don’t judge me, you have no idea what this woman and her husband have done to me. I am not concerned about the lies that are pouring out of her mouth and trying to convince the judge that I am this evil beast, they have no idea yet what I can be. I hear the prosecution telling her to speak up so the Judge can hear her but he has no idea about the full story and since you don’t know I will tell you.

In January last year I was at Ebeano store, you know the big supermarket in Lekki? I was walking through the store, trying to purchase some items for the house. So I see this stand where they are doing this promo, buy one, refer someone and get one free. So I move closer, one of the smiling sales rep come to me to get me to come closer and partake in their product. I think it is a new product because there aren’t so many people in their stand.

They are selling ice creams, cakes and chocolates. I am not too much of a chocolate lover but you see cakes and ice creams? I could go the world over just to get them. The sales rep is telling me that the cakes go for seven hundred Naira while a bowl of Ice cream is five hundred Naira. I checked the money in my wallet and remembered that I already made budgets on each kobo, well I would probably have a thousand Naira left after all the purchase. Also I am not a big on buying on impulse, but this was cake. Then I remembered that the sales Rep had said I could refer someone and get the other option for free, also the promo would last for the week.

I buy the ice cream which is the cheaper of the two options and start heading out but then I begin to consider how senseless it would be to have this ice cream alone and get the cake another day. Then I see this handsome tall dark man. He is cute but two things, I don’t date married men and secondly I have just broken up from a bad relationship and I was not looking for a rebound.

I walked up to Mr. cute and smiled, I desperately need this cake so I tell him.

“Hi handsome, would you be interested if I told you that there is this stand in the store that sell really nice and cheap cakes, ice creams and chocolates?”

Mr. handsome smiled back and asked, “Are you their marketer?”

“Me? No, no, definitely not. I am just a satisfied customer and I think your wife would love that as a gift.” I replied and play with my hair, giving him my most charming smile.

“Ok, lead the way then.” He told me and I jumped to the offer, at least I would get to collect the cake immediately.

I led him back to the stand, my bag of ice cream in their branded bag in my hand. As soon as we got to the stand a sales rep took over from there while I went to another one of them to claim my cake. It was placed in a bag and handed over to me. Gladly I carried my win and placed in the trolley before rolling out. But not before I had checked to be sure that Mr. handsome had bought his own. He had brought chocolates and ice creams.

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